McJargon & Co.: CONSULTANTS ON THE LOOSE (A satirical take on today’s consulting circus)

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The other day, a senior partner at a leading consulting firm asked me, “So… what do you think about this new breed of consultants?” I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely curious or subtly asking, “How are these twenty-somethings running strategy workshops while we’re stuck doing the grind and still seen as too intimidating for the promoters?”

Legacy consulting firms often struggle in non-metro markets.
Meanwhile, local consultants with Google gyaan and Canva charisma are everywhere – advising CEOs with phrases like “realigning core KPIs with agile OKRs.”
Translation: “I Googled something cool this morning.”

Their motto? “Why gain experience when you can gain clients?”
They throw in “hypergrowth,” “customer obsession,” and “fail fast, scale faster” before you’ve even opened your notepad.

They woo small and mid-sized firms with promises of hypergrowth, virality, and a future IPO… ideally next Tuesday.
Ask for clarity? They’ll add a quadrant.

But guess what? Clients love them.
Not because they’re better.
But because they’re bendier.
They nod more. Push less.
Accommodate wild whims with a polite grin and a color-coded tracker.

Meanwhile, old-school consultants?
There’s a different breed of consultant – from the era of grit over gimmicks.
Seasoned. Subtle. Sensible.

They worked with industry leaders, steering complex turnarounds with months of groundwork, war rooms, and whiteboard marathons.

They don’t make noise.
They make impact.

They walk in with structure, ask uncomfortable questions, and occasionally scare the living synergy out of the promoter / CXOs.
No jargon. Just work.
No deck. Just results.

But in a world that celebrates sizzle over steak, these veterans often get drowned out by the buzzword brigade.
Tough love doesn’t always trend.

And Yet… It’s All Fair Game.
Because the truth is – there’s a client for every kind of consultant.

Some want shock-and-awe.
Others want peace-and-ROI.
And as long as someone’s swiping that corporate card,
as long as the samosas are hot and the invoices paid,
who are we to judge the consulting circus?

This world isn’t fair, ideal, or always rational.
It’s just wonderfully weird. And wildly billable.

So here’s to the talkers, the doers, the deck-makers and the deal-breakers.
In the grand theatre of strategy, everyone gets a role –
even if some are just saying nothing… strategically.